Everything Wrong With Hellboy Everything Wrong With Avengers: 2 days ago   18:39

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With a new Hellboy movie on the way, we felt obligated to tackle Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Holy sins, Batma--I mean, Hellman! I mean... Batman! Sh*t.

Thursday: Sins about olden times. well, not that olden. Old. Old times.

Remember, no movie is without sin! Which movie's sins should we expose next?!

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Comments 1794 Comments

Mokko
I am a massive Hellboy fan and I cannot lie, Golden Army is kind of a train wreck. A doofy, enjoyable train wreck with some brilliant practical effects but still a wreck. I know it's bad but I still like it.

You're going to be spoiled for material for the EWW of the newest Hellboy, though.
Toni Danz
I love pulling out the bitch dagger
Carol Tomko
How did she have time to find out she’s having twins? If you were paying attention you would have heard Abe tell her about the twins.
Kng Tch
Hellboy with Ron pearlman is still better than that bs remake
Einbjorn
You sin the idea that Bruttenholm is telling Hellboy about Santa as a child, when this is a world where Santa can very well be real and could possibly prevent the end of the world, but you don't sin the fact that child Hellboy is played by a woman in her 30s with all those awkward overacted movements?

Given the speed at which a subway moves by him and there's some pillars or big grate blocking their already brief view of him, and we can safely assume big cities with subways are full of crazy ass people, who would question catching a brief possible glimpse of an albino dude performing qigong in an abandon bit of underground maintenance?

Hellboy is a guy who has been enduring decades of youth and is apparently a 60-something year old virgin before finally tying the knot with Liz, how could you fault a bit of arrested development pertaining to his understandable ignorance of what her behavior implies? Hell, I know guys who've been through plenty of relationships and still did not get the gist of "Girlfriend is acting in a way that indicates she knows she's pregnant" when they finally knocked one up. Some people just prefer folks to be honest and not act like kids beating around the bush.

"Look at this guy, there's not even one near his face"
Scene literally shows his mouth being pried open by several critters with some beginning to crawl into it.

If you look at how Liz is shooting at the fairies, this is clearly a scene pandering to those craving a "strong, level-headed female character" trope, because she's shooting at those things with one hand while the other is holding a flashlight turned forwards with the other, implying she's immaculately trained in normal human combat, giving her the false appearance of being strong and smart. Though as clearly indicated, she's not, since she has powers that would make it a lot simpler that she should've been expertly training with; yet she clearly needs a literal slap in the face to even fire up, and then she just erupts with flame rather than using her fire in a controlled fashion. This is also a particularly dickish move to the remains of the fallen agents who cannot be given a proper burial now. Did they request to being cremated? She doesn't know.

It's a mag[azine], not a clip. Clips prepare rounds to be inserted into a mag or cylinder unless we're talking about old carbines, and we aren't.

The issue with the monster designs of this film is that they're too Guillermo Del Toro, and not properly Mike Mignola. They feel Pan's Labyrinth, not Hellboy. This is especially valid, because the monsters in this aside from Hellboy, Ape Sapien and Johann were created by GDT and did not actually appear in the comics at all. Whereas in the first film, GDT simply embellished mostly on comic canon characters, with the Sammael monster being of GDT's creation.

You also forgot to mention that the Angel of Death in this is supposed to be female. I know, I didn't get that without reading backstory on the film, too, but apparently that's another difference from Pan's Labyrinth. Obviously it still doesn't fool anyone.

The whole biting a metal thing of value isn't a matter of how it tastes, but if it's a fake or not depending on the malleability. Granted, that's obviously become such a cliche that we now have characters doing it where it doesn't matter, because the cart assgoblin wasn't given an old coin, he was given the tip of a weirdly made plot element spear. If it bent or didn't, what would it matter? I'd sin the fact that it didn't embed itself into the back of his throat and begin to kill him for having so casually bit into something he clearly didn't know anything about but just wanted because it was shiny. RIP Assgoblin.

Getting pissy that the Golden Army is the ultimate plot point of the movie which garnered being the subtitle of the film, yet doesn't appear until the end of this movie is like getting pissed over the title of "Where the Red Fern Grows"; if you haven't read the book, I won't spoil it for you. If you have, then you know exactly why it's not a new thing for a story to be titled or subtitled for something that doesn't show up until the end of the story.

It is false equivalence, and it isn't. Who the hell is Abe supposed to fall in love with? Who can he expect to fall in love with him? Since the source material doesn't matter to CinemaSins, we can ignore that Abe was a human dude with a life before becoming a fishman; that being said, Abe is apparently at least a 143-year-old virgin who has never been intimate with someone once in his life. He meets a pretty girl who isn't just some human likely to reject him for being weird finally after 143 years, and she shows attraction towards him; he's supposed to just give that up? It's not even the power of boners, but given how sex crazed 99.99999999% of the population is, that should be sufficient. Still, sex aside, he's a very lonely and isolated person, even ignored to an extent in comparison to HB, as even the BPRD doesn't seem to treat him with the same tremendous emphasis as HB.

You should've sinned the fact that her blood at the end of the film is apparently golden like honey, but her blood earlier in the film was dark red, like us normal tomato people.
Jeferson souza
HOLY FUCK seth macfarlane plays kraus how did i never knew about this
Seriah Ohlwine
Sooo are we just not gonna talk about the painted-on abs at 1:57? Cause that definitely deserved a sin
Douglas Kurtz
"If he can temporarily re-animate the dead why isn't he used on every murder case?" Wasn't that basically Pushing Daisies? Anybody out there remember that, or where my sister, mother, and I LITERALLY the only people who watched it?
MC Chase
Abe in Hellbpy 2 is a joke! Not onky he looks like C-3PO when he has the goggles on, BUT HE ALSO BLOODY SOUNDS LIKE HIM TOO!
Another Sin: JOHN MYERS IS NOT EVEN CANON IN THIS DAMN FILM!!!!
Tom Shokoff
Who got that Holmes and Watson reference
BowserGuy1
Breath of the Wild music! :D
Jack.Galaxy
When did this movie come out?
The girl who can’t game
Saying Germans make u nervous *is* sexist. And yes babies *are* tumors* this video speaks truth 😂😂😂😂
gachanimation 's
I read your books ' ' the prodigies ' ' it is great and really nice 😂IL will there be a Tome 2?
Lettuce Asparagus
Whatever happend to Myers in the sequel?
kinda missed him …
dazotron 123
Who the fuck bites silver
Joolz1982
Yr gonna regret the reboot statement at the end :).
dsproductions19
2:34 I have been searching for a while now to try and understand what he means by "would later become president of YouTube." Can anyone give me any context?
Slipknot Shady
Anyone else who used to have a crush on the Princess?
Xanman Skaggs
hellboy demon dante demon anyone else thinking of devil may cry
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Everything Wrong With Avengers: Everything Wrong With Hellboy 2 days ago   23:04

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Well, Avengers: Infinity War was arguably the biggest movie of 2018, and we waited quite a while to get around to sinning it, but now that wait is over. Now you can pick a new movie to yell at us about not having sinned yet. :)

Thursday: There will be songs.

Remember, no movie is without sin! Which movie's sins should we expose next?!

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CinemaSins

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Barrett: http://twitter.com/musicvideosins
Aaron: http://twitter.com/aarondicer
Jonathan: http://twitter.com/samloomis13



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